went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
