dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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