the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
