I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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