I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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