I have demons in me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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