Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
