Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
