why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
