My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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