I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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