i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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