you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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