Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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