Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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