Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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