she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
