Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
