i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
