I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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