I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
