Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
