Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
