Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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