put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I need moral support for this bender
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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