I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
