Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
