I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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