I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
