i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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