So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
