Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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