this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
