the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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