After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
