If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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