i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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