Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
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we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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