Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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