Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
