Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
