Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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