We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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