ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
