Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
