He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
vagina is talking i cant
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm getting married
To pizza
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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