What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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