She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
