literally had 100 drinks last night.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Couch. On fire.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
