Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
