Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
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Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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