he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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