Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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