I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize