hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
