it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
