smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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