I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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