did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
