Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
