flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
