Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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