I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This is the high leading the old right now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
