I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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