16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
