I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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