I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
