Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
