He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
