look no pants
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
