the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
