so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
