In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize