just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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