Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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