i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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