Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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