Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
