Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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