Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
