i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
