I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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