I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
