i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
