just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
