I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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