Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
