I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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