At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
even my farts smell like vagina
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
