Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she pinky promised me she was 18
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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