Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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