Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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