My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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