Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
