Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
