i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
